true confessions of a...

time-waster

2007-09-21T11:52:00.000-05:00

i have a new part-time job. it's great. really, it is. you want to know what the best part of it is? when i leave the office, all of the work stays there. i don't get calls at home about work. i don't take any work home with me. it all stays right there on my desk. it's glorious.
occasionally, though, there isn't enough work to keep me busy. at least, that's what i tell myself. i could file the mound of paperwork that is sitting on top of the file cabinet, but that's no fun. so, instead of filing, i write bad haikus. here are the two i came up with this morning:

my mind wanders off
to rainbows in the sky while
sitting at my desk

i stare into space
dull clerical drudgery
i get paid for this?

well, i guess i should get back to filing...

insomniac

2007-04-16T02:48:00.000-05:00

what do you do when sleep won't come? i'm out of ideas. i've already done some laundry, picked up around my kitchen, watched fresh prince of bel air reruns, and played fetch with my dog. as i sit here contemplating all that has been and all that could be, i have to wonder...at what point does someone become an adult? i feel like adolescence is extending on and on and on these days. is it a particular age? is it a certain stage in life that make someone adult? graduating from college? marriage? parenthood? i don't know. at some points, i feel very adult. paying bills, paying taxes, going to work every day...those things all make me feel my age. at other times, i feel very very young. many people tell me that i look younger than i am. the truth of the matter, though, is that i feel much younger than i am. i graduated from college years ago, and that hasn't made me feel like an adult. since i'm not married, and i don't have children, i can't really say whether those things will make me feel adult or not. i guess time will tell...

weather bug

2007-03-16T12:18:00.000-05:00

sometimes, i just hate the rain. i hate that it makes me feel sad and gloomy and dreary. i hate that it makes it harder to get up in the morning and makes me want to go crawl back in bed when i get home from work. sure, it's nice to hear it falling on the roof right as i'm drifting off to sleep, but other than that...i'm not a fan. maybe it's just today. today, the rain is making me sad. it's making me want to curl up inside myself and reflect on life and love and why. today i feel like i want to cry...and the rain is not making things any better.

frequent mover

2007-02-11T15:00:00.000-05:00

i hate moving...absolutely detest it. it sends shivers up and down my spine to think about wrapping kitchen glassware with newspaper and packing it neatly in a box only to turn around at the new location and unwrap it. arggh. but, it's a fairly frequent occurrence in my life. i guess that's sort of normal, but i feel like i move more than most people. i come by it naturally, though. my dad was in the navy, so every two years or so (sometimes more frequently), we'd get transplanted. in fact, because of that being ingrained in me, i get the itch every two years. i get this insane desire to up and move halfway across the country. there is a sort of adventure in it, i guess. but, then...oh, then, i remember the horrificness (not sure that's a word, but i'm gonna use it anyway) of moving. part of the problem is that i have way too much junk, stuff that i've acquired over the years. yes, moving is a good reason to purge, but it's an amazing hassle. i've found that it helps to have an honest person that you trust to go through the purging process with. sometimes it's helpful to have someone tell you that you really don't need that snow cone maker that's been sitting in the cabinet all year unused. it's just hard to let go. i form attachments to things. add that to the fact that i'm slightly sentimental, and viola! therein lies the problem. it makes me feel better to give my things away to a good cause, though. lately, that's been interact and the salvation army. it's still tough, though....and, time consuming. if any of you have any suggestions on the best way to go about the purge, let me know. oh, and if you know anybody who needs a snow cone maker, i know where to find one...

confidant

2007-01-22T14:54:00.000-05:00

i think that because of my position, people feel that they can tell me things, things that they wouldn't normally tell other people. don't get me wrong...i'm not complaining. i actually feel quite honored when people bestow information on me and trust me with their secrets. it's just that i'm not always sure what to say...
for example, i had no idea what to say to a friend who told me that she was recently taken advantage of sexually by a friend. of course, the normal responses came out: it's not your fault, God is not mad at you, are you going to press charges, have you been to the doctor yet, are you going to see a therapist? but, i couldn't really come up with anything that would really address her deep fears and hurts. what could i really say? i had nothing.
so, i just listened and empathized, cried with her and prayed for her. and, i realized afterward that maybe, just maybe, that's all she really needed and that my presence and silence meant much more than anything i could have said.

positive-thinker

2007-01-16T13:49:00.000-05:00

i've come to realize that life runs a lot smoother when you look at the positives instead of focusing on the negatives. take my life in its current state, for example. i have several things in different areas of my life that are really hard to deal with, and they seem to all be hitting at once. for a few days, i was tempted to focus on the negatives and throw myself a nice, little pity-party. but then, one of my best friends slapped some sense into me. i cried on her shoulder and told her everything that was going on and how my life was falling apart. she, in turn told me to name three things that were positive in my life right now. it took me a moment to shift gears and refocus, but i did it. i could name several positives in the midst of a sea of negatives. and, you know what? i felt a little better after that.
today, i had another opportunity to think negatively about a hard situation that presented itself. for a split second, my thought was "great...just another thing to add to the pile of crap". but then, i decided (that's the key word here. it's a decision.) to not let it wreck me and to think of the things that were going well. i'm not saying to live in lalaland and never acknowledge hard things...that would only lead to more problems down the line... all i'm saying is that i've realized that much of life is our attitude about it, and that was a pretty significant discovery for me.

"soul"dier

2006-06-16T15:31:00.000-05:00

i've got that killers song in my head "all these things that i've done". the same words keep running through my mind, probably because they're the only words that i actually know. sad. "i've got soul, but i'm not a soldier; i've got soul, but i'm not a soldier". over and over and over again it plays in my head. what does that line really mean anyway? i've got some ideas, but i'd like to hear others. i'm open to philosophical interpretations as well as silly ones, so throw them out there.

dogsitter

2006-03-04T22:07:00.000-05:00

i just spent a week with two huge, drooling boxers. as a favor (and to earn some extra money), i agreed to spend the week watching irbe & bou. they were really sweet dogs...maybe a little too sweet. they always wanted to be near me, so near that their drool rubbed off on me. no matter what i did, i always left the house with slobber marks on my clothing. when they shook their heads, the drool flung off their mouths like an instant replay of the movie "turner and hooch". i went to open the refrigerator door, and one of them must have been licking the handle, because i got a handful of canine saliva. this is maybe the grossest thing i've experienced.

valentine

2006-02-16T16:10:00.000-05:00

i had an epiphany on tuesday. it was valentine's day, and it was the best one that i ever remember having. why? i bet you think it's because i was whisked away to some romantic destination by my super-hunky significant other, don't you? nope. i'm as single as they come. it was such a great day because so many things caught me by surprise. maybe i went into "singles awareness day" with low expectations in an attempt to thwart disappointment. or, maybe, just maybe, that day isn't so bad for us single folk. my epiphany came as a result of two handmade valentine's day cards that i received from two of my students. male students at that. pray tell, what other red-blooded american male college students do you know that make homemade valentine's day cards? i was completely caught off guard. they're so hilarious; i have to share them with you.

here's the first one:
you are so cool because you went to my school,
and you make me so glad cause you're the best college minister i've had
and don't be sad on this v.t. day cause i'm sure love's on the way
p.s. Jesus loves you a lot.

i almost fell off the couch laughing when i read it. isn't it precious?

here's the second:
love, love, love, love, love.
love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
love x infinity. that's how many times
i love you. have a very happy valentine's
day. jesus loves you and so do i.

i sat shaking my head in amazement after re-reading the valentines several times. the fact of the matter is this: i am loved. no, not by some romantic superhunk. but, who cares? i'm loved by my students, and i love them. that's why i do this job. not for the cashflow i'm raking in. not for the prestige and fame. (those are both jokes, by the way...i'm not making the big bucks or receiving accolades for my position). i do this job for the students, and once in a while, it's nice to know that they are as fond of me as i am of them.

rediculous humor lover

2006-01-21T13:29:00.000-05:00

whoever made this david hasselhoff videos is either a crazy genius or just smoking some crack...either way, it's hilarious. please, please, please watch the whole thing. it sort of sucks you in and just keeps getting worse and worse. i'm still shaking my head.
http://www.youtube.com/w/Hooked-on-a-feeling?v=Gi2CfuqcUGE&eurl=

quasi-midwesterner

2006-01-02T17:41:00.000-05:00

i was back in nebraska and kansas with my family for the holidays. we moved around so much when i was growing up that i never really know how to answer the question, "where are you from". my parents met in lincoln, nebraska, though, and both sides of my family have pretty much settled around that area. i graduated from high school in kansas and lived back there again the year after i graduated from college. i decided then and there that the midwestern lifestyle was not for me. i realized that i was much more of a city girl than a country gal. so, i packed up my bags and moved back to north carolina which is where i consider "home" now. i said all of that to say although the midwestern lifestyle is not my cup of tea anymore, i do appreciate some of the finer points of country life.
for instance, i was surprised to find that when i went to the local grocery store (as in, the only one in town), not only did they bag my groceries for me, a high-school student offered to carry my bags out to my car for me. i didn't know what to do. should i refuse and carry them myself? if i let him carry the bags, should i tip him? i decided then to just go with the flow and accept this kind gesture. i did decide to tip him, but he refused my money and said, "it's just part of my job, ma'am". wow. where else do you find that sort of service? and then, on my way back to my parents' house, every driver that i passed waved at me. again, i was surprised. i didn't know these people from adam, but they still waved at me. interesting. now, midwesterners are notorious for their friendliness, but even that goes a little far.
i found myself enjoying this hospitality, though. even a city girl like me can appreciate a little down home friendliness, and that's why i enjoy my visits in the midwest so much. i'm not about to pack up and move back there, but the visits infuse me with enough midwestern vitality to keep those roots thriving.

blogger

2005-12-16T19:02:00.000-05:00

so, hey world. here i am. this is my first ever blog. i'm a late bloomer of sorts in the blogging world. hmmm...what to say....what to say. so, maybe i should start with how i came to be a blogger. see, i am co-editor for the women's issues section of an online magazine called "The Dirty Dish"; you can find it here. so, our wonderful editor-in-chief had this idea that the editors should do a blog about their lives. one of our editors is journeying through pregnancy, and another is living through the honeymoon phase of her marriage. me? i'm a lot of things and many of them in transition. mostly, though, i think our editor wants me to write about what it is like to be a single woman in Christian ministry. i'm the newly appointed director of college ministry for a local church, although i have been involved in college ministry for 3 years now. so, i'm supposed to bare my soul and tell you all about the joys, sorrows and other interesting tidbits along the way. i think it's going to turn out to be more organic than that, though. i just have that feeling. so, my blog is aptly named "confessions of a twenty-something..." because on any given day, i can come up with a word to complete that phrase. so, watch out world. you don't know what you're getting yourself into. but, read away, i dare you. make that double-dog dare you.