insomniac

what do you do when sleep won't come? i'm out of ideas. i've already done some laundry, picked up around my kitchen, watched fresh prince of bel air reruns, and played fetch with my dog. as i sit here contemplating all that has been and all that could be, i have to wonder...at what point does someone become an adult? i feel like adolescence is extending on and on and on these days. is it a particular age? is it a certain stage in life that make someone adult? graduating from college? marriage? parenthood? i don't know. at some points, i feel very adult. paying bills, paying taxes, going to work every day...those things all make me feel my age. at other times, i feel very very young. many people tell me that i look younger than i am. the truth of the matter, though, is that i feel much younger than i am. i graduated from college years ago, and that hasn't made me feel like an adult. since i'm not married, and i don't have children, i can't really say whether those things will make me feel adult or not. i guess time will tell...

positive-thinker

i've come to realize that life runs a lot smoother when you look at the positives instead of focusing on the negatives. take my life in its current state, for example. i have several things in different areas of my life that are really hard to deal with, and they seem to all be hitting at once. for a few days, i was tempted to focus on the negatives and throw myself a nice, little pity-party. but then, one of my best friends slapped some sense into me. i cried on her shoulder and told her everything that was going on and how my life was falling apart. she, in turn told me to name three things that were positive in my life right now. it took me a moment to shift gears and refocus, but i did it. i could name several positives in the midst of a sea of negatives. and, you know what? i felt a little better after that.
today, i had another opportunity to think negatively about a hard situation that presented itself. for a split second, my thought was "great...just another thing to add to the pile of crap". but then, i decided (that's the key word here. it's a decision.) to not let it wreck me and to think of the things that were going well. i'm not saying to live in lalaland and never acknowledge hard things...that would only lead to more problems down the line... all i'm saying is that i've realized that much of life is our attitude about it, and that was a pretty significant discovery for me.

quasi-midwesterner

i was back in nebraska and kansas with my family for the holidays. we moved around so much when i was growing up that i never really know how to answer the question, "where are you from". my parents met in lincoln, nebraska, though, and both sides of my family have pretty much settled around that area. i graduated from high school in kansas and lived back there again the year after i graduated from college. i decided then and there that the midwestern lifestyle was not for me. i realized that i was much more of a city girl than a country gal. so, i packed up my bags and moved back to north carolina which is where i consider "home" now. i said all of that to say although the midwestern lifestyle is not my cup of tea anymore, i do appreciate some of the finer points of country life.
for instance, i was surprised to find that when i went to the local grocery store (as in, the only one in town), not only did they bag my groceries for me, a high-school student offered to carry my bags out to my car for me. i didn't know what to do. should i refuse and carry them myself? if i let him carry the bags, should i tip him? i decided then to just go with the flow and accept this kind gesture. i did decide to tip him, but he refused my money and said, "it's just part of my job, ma'am". wow. where else do you find that sort of service? and then, on my way back to my parents' house, every driver that i passed waved at me. again, i was surprised. i didn't know these people from adam, but they still waved at me. interesting. now, midwesterners are notorious for their friendliness, but even that goes a little far.
i found myself enjoying this hospitality, though. even a city girl like me can appreciate a little down home friendliness, and that's why i enjoy my visits in the midwest so much. i'm not about to pack up and move back there, but the visits infuse me with enough midwestern vitality to keep those roots thriving.